


Save Me.

by lizibabes



Series: Angst Bingo [28]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: AU, Emotional Abuse, M/M, Sexual Abuse, Stalker, Swearing, Therapy, eating issues, physical violence, sex.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-21
Updated: 2012-04-21
Packaged: 2017-11-04 01:58:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/388408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>fill for the prompts physical violence, sexual abuse, emotional abuse and mistaken identity for angst bingo and the prompt eating disorder for dark bingo. Tommy's in therapy, he's getting his life back, till he's mistaken for someone else, can Officer Adam Lambert protect him and help him heal?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Save Me.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Has some potential triggers, if anyone sees something they think I should be warning for and haven't, please let me know.

The first time Jack hit him they'd been having a fight and Tommy had convinced himself that they were two guys, men fought, it got physical sometimes. But the first time hadn't been the last time and physical violence had become a regular event. He doesn't know why he didn't leave, physical violence wasn't the only nasty side of their relationship. Jack was emotionally abusive, calling Tommy names, making him feel worthless. He thinks the way he felt, feeling worthless was why he had put up with the violence. It had only gotten worse, his emotions, his body, they weren't the only thing to be damaged. The first time he refused to have sex with Jack after they had been fighting, Jack made him do it anyway. It had taken him a long time to see it as rape, the idea of his own boyfriend, a man he lived with, raping him seemed laughable, not right, but he saw the truth eventually and now he's in group therapy. He's left Jack and went to the cops, an officer, Adam Lambert helped him get a restraining order.

　

They'd stayed in contact. Adam had even been the one to find him this group, a group that is already helping him so much. He goes to the group every Friday and talks about the abuse. He learns more each week about all the types of abuse he went through and it helps Tommy feel better. He goes to two different therapists, one group session for physical, emotional and sexual abuse. He shares his past, the things he went through and talking helps. He goes to a second group, every other Wednesday; he goes to a group that deals with eating disorders. The physical violence damaged him, it hurt, bruises, broken bones, the physical stuff was bad, but it was the emotional abuse that made him want to change himself. Jack called him ugly, called him fat and he made Tommy hate himself enough that he started skipping meals. He ate less and less, exercised more and more. Then he started making himself sick and that hadn't made him leave Jack.

　

His weight is finally back up to a healthy level, but it is so hard for him to not slip back into bad habits. He thinks right now, without therapy, without the talks he has on the phone with Adam, he would lose his control over his eating disorder. Adam is the only person who he's talked about it all with. Adam knows about the violence, the beatings, the emotional abuse and the sexual abuse. Adam is gay and a cop and he's helped Tommy understand a lot more. He gets men can be raped, always got that, but it wasn't something he hadrealized could happen in a relationship until it happened.

　

So when he goes to group therapy and a guy from the class over from the room he has therapy in is waiting for him, he feels on edge right away. He's not scared of men because of the violence he received at Jack's hand, but he's not good with strangers. He spent years being hurt, being made to feel worthless by a man he had loved since his first week of college, it ruined his self-confidence. 

　

"Billy?" The guy asks.

　

"No, you have the wrong person." Tommy says and then he goes to walk away, but before he can leave, the guy grabs his arm. The tight grip makes him flash back to being with Jack, being hurt and in pain, the helplessness and he pulls his arm out of the stranger’s grip. Ever since Jack first raped him, he's had trouble being touched by people, it makes him feel nervous. He's put on weight since he joined therapy, when he manages to pull away, despite being slight, he feels strong for a moment, less like the weak person he had felt like he was when he was with Jack. He's been feeling stronger and stronger since he got away from all the abuse, but being here, with this guy who is mistaken him for someone else, it still scares him, he can't pretend it doesn't.

　

"I know it's you, Billy." The guy says, stepping in closer again and Tommy takes a step away, backing up. He's scared, in a way that makes him think of Jack and all the ways he abused Tommy.

　

"My name's not Billy." Tommy says firmly. He backs off, but the guy keeps following him, dark eyes never leaving Tommy's face and he hates feeling scared like this. He's not that person anymore, he's not Jack's victim anymore. He won't take anything lying down. He's been raped, he's been beaten and he has had his head fucked with. He has been recovering from an eating disorder, reconnecting with family and friends that Jack had isolated him from. He won't just take this lying down; he refuses to just let another man hurt him.

　

He slips his hand into his pocket, types in 911 by feel. He's been backed into a wall and he puts his other hand in his pocket, finds his keys and pushes them between his knuckles, if this guy tries to touch him again he'll punch the guy, use the keys to make more damage because he won't just let this man hurt him. 

　

"Billy, it's me, Jamie, don't pretend you don't know me, baby." Jamie says softly, he's not one of the guys in Tommy's therapy group, so he has to be from the other class, which is just some kind of literature class, but this guy, who's mistaking Tommy for someone else, he has to have some kind of problem. Tommy knows fore well that mental health issues do not always go hand in hand with violence. Most people with mental health problems are not violent, more likely to hurt themselves than others. But this man, Tommy thinks he might be mentally ill and capable of being violent.

　

When Jamie makes a grab for him, Tommy dives out of the way and runs past Jamie and into the tiny one cubical bathroom. He slams the lock shut less than a second after the pounding starts on the door. 

　

"You can't leave me, not again Billy, I won't let you leave again." Jamie yells and the door rattles. Tommy pulls his phone out of his pocket and instead of calling the police, he calls Adam, because Adam always makes him safe.

　

"Adam, I need help." Tommy says the second Adam answers.

　

"Tommy, are you alright?" Adam asks, voice a little panicked.

　

"I'm at my abuse therapy session and some guy, he thinks I'm someone else, I need help. Can you come help me?" Tommy asks. Sometimes he feels bad, he asks for a lot from Adam, leans on him a lot, but he's so afraid. He thinks he'd be afraid to be mistaken for someone else and for them to act this way, even if he hadn't been physically, emotionally and sexually abused. Jack gave him an eating disorder, changed him, made him feel weak, this man will not undo all of his hard work.

　

"I'll be right there, are you somewhere safe?" Adam asks.

　

"I'm in a bathroom." Tommy explains.

　

"Stay there, I'm coming and stay on the line." Adam keeps talking to him, reassuring him over the phone even though Jamie is practically howling at him through the door. He's yelling Billy over and over again and he doesn't stop hitting the door, making it shake and rattle. He never thought being mistaken for anyone else could lead to something like this. He had thought he'd already had his fair share of bad luck with Jack. Violence, sexual abuse and being fucked with mentally, he's getting past them and he has battled to get past his eating disorder. He's had enough bad luck. He thinks he should be due some good luck for once.

　

He stays on his feet, waiting to be attacked, waiting for the door to break open, but for the first time he is sure he will meet physical violence with physical violence. He's been doing so well, putting his past behind him. It's been months since he woke up in the middle of the night shaking from a nightmare. He'll be left with scars, both physical and mental but he is healing and he will continue to heal. This will not be the thing to break him, even if this Jamie guy does hurt him because he thinks he's the Billy that Jamie knows or knew. 

　

When the banging stops, he doesn't dare open the door, because bad things happen when you least expect it. Jack used to hit him when he least expected it, they wouldn't have even been arguing, it'd happen out of the blue. One moment it was all safe and the next he'd be broken and bloody on the floor, Jack dragging him to his feet and dragging him to the bedroom. Jack used to say sorry a lot, Tommy's sure he never meant it.

　

"Tommy?" He recognizes Adam's voice right away and he carefully opens the door a crack. When he sees nothing in the hall but Adam, he flings the door open and almost runs to Adam. He doesn't even think about it, he just grabs the other man in a hug, so relieved to see him, to be here with him instead of Jamie.

　

"Thank you for coming." Tommy mumbles into Adam's shoulder as Adam's arms come up and around him, pulling him close, cuddling Tommy, warm and soft, his bigger, warmer body making Tommy feel safe. 

　

"I got a car to come with me. They arrested the guy, he's on bail for attacking his boyfriend, there have been a few reports, of him turning up at abuse based therapy groups looking for him. He won't be around much longer, you won't see him again. I promise." Adam says firmly and Tommy feels the last of the fear melt away. He still feels a little shaken up, but it's not as bad now that Jamie is gone and Adam is here.

　

"I was scared, thanks for saving me." Tommy says on a sigh. He might be willing to protect himself now, to fight back, but his past still affects him. It's nice having a friend who knows it all, from the eating disorder to the violence in his past. Being friends with Adam has made him rethink his self-worth. Jack made him feel like an ugly, useless failure, like less than a man. Adam never makes him feel bad about himself, he feels like the Tommy he was before he met Jack when he's around Adam. He knows he will never be that person again, not totally because the abuse over the past three and a half years has changed him, but he's more like the man he was before Jack now and he feels less like the man he was when he was with Jack. The timid man who barely spoke and flinched at every raised hand is not the man he is now and Adam has helped him with it all.

　

"I'm glad you called me. I was so worried when I heard you sounding so scared. I promised I'd never let someone make you feel like the again." Adam sighs.

　

"This was different, he didn't want to hurt me, Tommy, he wanted to hurt someone who looks like me. I don't know, but it changes things, makes it less scary than it was when I was with Jack." Tommy shrugs, still clinging to Adam. At first he's put his crush on Officer Lambert down to the fact Adam was saving him from the abuse. But now he thinks it's about more than Adam being his hero.

　

"Want me to drive you to your place?" Adam asks and Tommy nods. He's not ready to be alone right now and Adam makes him feel safe. Adam puts an arm around his shoulder and walks him outside, waits with Tommy while he gives a statement to the other cops that came and then they go to Adam's car and like a total fucking gentleman, he opens Tommy's door for him. Sometimes he thinks Adam might want him back, from the way he looks at him and acts, but he's not sure enough to risk asking.

　

Adam drives him home and walks him to his door, and when Tommy goes to unlock it with shaking hands, he fumbles the keys and drops them. He's a little bit clumsy, which had always made it easier to make people believe he'd got hurt through being clumsy, not abuse. Adam picks up his keys for him and unlocks the door, then he hands Tommy back the keys, his hand on Tommy's as their eyes meet. Tommy is a hundred percent sure that he's not reading into things, that maybe, just maybe, Adam might like him as more than a friend. 

　

"Come in for a coffee?" Tommy asks, because he feels like having a cup and because he wants Adam to stay, not just because he doesn't want to be alone, but because he wants to be with Adam. 

　

"Sure, maybe we could order some food in? I worked through my lunch break." Adam says, following Tommy into his place. Adam is one of the only people that knows about his eating disorder who doesn't nag him about eating. Adam treats him like he’s just any guy and they've had lunch together before. Tommy wasn't a big fan of eating in front of people, but he never feels weird doing it around Adam, he doesn't stare.

　

"How about pizza?" Tommy suggests, heading for the kitchen. 

　

"Sounds good to me." Adam says so Tommy grabs a takeout menu as well as putting the coffee on to brew. Jack hadn't liked him drinking coffee, blamed the coffee drinking for Tommy's insomnia. When they ended, he'd bought the coffee maker, almost like his first act of defiance. 

　

He makes coffee, they order pizza and go to sit in front of the TV. Tommy hadn't liked being alone with men for a long time after Jack, hadn't wanted someone in his space. He'd never realized how badly Jack had affected his life till he left. His emotions, his body, his sex life, it was all ruled by Jack and how Jack had wanted things to be, how he'd wanted Tommy to be.

　

"I'm glad I called you." Tommy admits.

　

"So am I. I know being mistaken for someone else like that, by a man like that must have been hard on you. I could meet you after therapy for a little while if you want, drive you home." Adam offers.

　

"Police escort?" Tommy asks with a smirk.

　

"No, more a friend looking out for a friend after something happens." Adam shrugs.

　

"You've been so good to me, watching out for me. I don't want to ask for more. You've helped me heal, helped me trust again." He has a crush on Adam, but after the sexual abuse, he'd never thought he'd want to be with a man again, but he really likes Adam. He thinks that they could really have something special.

　

Tommy knows though that Adam will never make the first move. He's pretty sure Adam likes him back. But Adam met him as a victim of sexual, physical and emotional abuse. With his past being what it is, he's sure Adam will never be the one to make the first move. 

　

"I like making things better for you. No one deserves to be abused, but I hate that it happened to you. I care about you a lot." Adam says and Tommy sees it for the opening it is, but then the doorbell rings before he can get the words out and he has to get up and go pay for the pizzas. When he comes back, the moment is lost and they fall into small talk as they eat. 

　

He can't help brooding while he eats, he's getting better every day, he's stronger, healthier. He eats what he wants, not as Jack had said he should. He visits his family every week, he goes out with friends. Tommy has slowly rebuilt his life, he won't let a case of mistaken identity set him back, he won't let it bring back his urge to control everything he eats to compensate for the fact that he doesn't have any control in his life. He has control and he wants to pass the next hurdle, he wants to be able to go out on a date with a guy. He wants to have sex again, he wants a new memory. He was with Jack for a long time, hasn't been with anyone since then. He wants to have sex that isn't about violence, control or domination. 

　

"Is something wrong?" Adam asks, putting down the crust from his last slice of pizza. They've eaten pizza together before. Adam never eats the crusts, Tommy's not sure why, but he thinks the fact that he knows so many of Adam's habits, which he does, says something. At first he thought maybe he's had a crush on Adam because he was safe, he was Tommy's savior, but he's finally sure that he would have liked Adam no matter how they had met.

　

"No, I'm just thinking," Tommy shrugs. 

　

"Looks like you’re having some pretty serious thoughts," Adam says softly.

　

"Today made me think a lot, about a lot of things. If this had happened a few months ago, I would have broken down I think. I wouldn't have coped very well, but I've changed. I don't want the abuse to control me all my life." Tommy wants to feel like he's really living, instead of just existing like he had been when he was with Jack.

　

"That's really good, Tommy. I've seen you change, since you started therapy. I've seen you pick yourself back up after he knocked you down and I think it's amazing. I think you’re amazing." Adam says softly and Tommy can tell Adam means it.

　

"Go on a date with me." Tommy blurts out on impulse. He wants Adam, hopes Adam wants him and this is the only way he'll find out if Adam would like to be with him.

　

"You’re asking me out, Tommy Joe?" Adam asks.

　

"Yes," Tommy says, having to hold back from crossing his fingers.

　

"I'd love to go out with you," Adam says, smiling almost shyly and Tommy can feel his lips turning up into a smile in response.

　

"Cool," He doesn't want to look flustered, he hopes he manages to not look like an idiot. He's still smiling when he walks Adam out of his place. They don't kiss goodbye, but Adam does hug him. He likes Adam's hugs, doesn't think he'll ever get enough of them. Maybe he'll never have to go without them if their date goes well.

　

 

++++++++++++++++

 

　

They go on three dates before Adam kisses him and ten dates before Tommy drags Adam up with him to his apartment. They make out on the couch, like they have all the time in the world and Adam doesn't try to push things, keeping his hands in totally PG areas, so Tommy decides to be bold, grinding his hard cock up against Adam's, wanting Adam to see that they’re both into this, that he doesn't need to be so careful with Tommy.

　

"Fuck, Adam please, I know we said we'd take it slow, but you’re killing me here," Tommy groans.

　

"Sorry, I just don't want to push you too far," Adam says and he looks so cute, adorable even, face flush, lips a little puffy from kissing and a concerned look on his face.

　

"I promise I will tell you if it's too much, I trust you to stop if I ask," Tommy says firmly, because it's true. Adam isn't Jack, he won't do whatever he likes just to get his own pleasure. If they have any kind of sex, it'll be about both of them and he's sure they would both get off.

　

Adam kisses him again and then starts peeling off Tommy's T-shirt. He's not in love with his body, he thinks he might never be perfectly happy with his body, but that's not a big deal. Lots of people have little things they would change about themselves. He doesn't plan to actually make any changes and he's no longer hurting himself to try and make himself look a certain way. So he lets Adam take off his shirt, helps Adam with his own and then they’re skin on skin and it feels amazing, like Adam's stroking his cock or something, only he's not, they're just touching each other’s chests, but it feels so good. He can't remember the last time being naked or half naked with someone felt good.

　

Adam explores every inch of exposed skin, with fingers and tongue, lips and even teeth and he has Tommy panting and begging for more long before Adam sits between Tommy's spread legs and opens the zipper of Tommy's jeans. He can guess what Adam between his legs like that means, but Adam's warm wet mouth around the head of his cock still makes him gasp. He's not been on the receiving end of getting head for an eternity. 

　

"Adam," he says softly, unable to say anything other than Adam's name as Adam takes more and more of him into his mouth, sucking and licking and turning Tommy into a mindless, squirming mess.

　

He hasn't come with someone else since long before he called things off between him and Jack and for a long time after the abuse sank in, the knowledge of how bad it had been. After that realization he hadn't wanted to have sex, hadn't even wanted to touch himself for a long time, but now he doesn't think he could want anything more than to be with Adam. 

　

"I'm going to come." Tommy warns as he feels a tale, tale tingling feeling in his back. Adam pulls off, jerking Tommy off, spit slicking his way and Tommy can finally see that Adam has his hand working his own cock, like going down on Tommy had really turned him on, it's beyond hot.

　

Tommy comes crying out Adam's name, chest heaving, hips twitching as he comes over Adam's hand and his own belly. 

　

"So beautiful." Adam whispers and a few moments later, he gets to see Adam as his orgasm tears through him, making him shiver as his come splatters over them both and Tommy doesn't give a shit about the mess he's in, not when it makes Adam look at him like he wants to eat him.

　

They lay together, sticky and sweaty until it starts to get cold and then Adam drags them both off of the sofa and gets them into a warm shower. Neither of them are ready for round two, but they still make out under the spray of the shower head, slow, lazy and wet kisses, scorching hot even though they don't lead anywhere.

　

He doesn't have to ask Adam to stay the night, because Adam doesn't suggest leaving and Tommy's not about to kick him out. They end up naked in his bed together, more skin on skin and he feels warm and happy, content with his life for the first time in a long time. The abuse changed him, leaving changed him, the bad and good things in life shaping him the same way they do everyone else. He'd not liked himself for a long time, but now, working, living his life, having Adam, he finally feels like he has been molded into the person he was meant to be. He likes the person he sees in the mirror every morning and the fact that Adam likes that man? Well that's just a particularly awesome bonus.

　

The End.


End file.
